March 29, 2017

7 Disappointing Magic Items

Time for some more silliness!

Disappointing Magic Items

This selection may not be completely useless, but they definitely don't live up to their billing.

Chime of Grand Opening
Wondrous item, uncommon
When struck, this magical chime produces a sound of trumpets and applause, and summons a spectral pair of scissors which can be directed by the person who struck the chime to cut any ribbon within 10 feet. The scissors persist for one minute, then disappear. Once activated, the chime cannot be struck again for 1 hour.

Elven Chains
Wondrous item, common
This magical chain is 50 feet long and weighs 5 lbs. It has 10 hit points and is immune to nonmagical damage.

Filter of Love
Wondrous item, common
While wearing these tinted spectacles, you have advantage on Wisdom (Insight) checks made to determine whether or not someone is romantically interested in you. 

Lute of Slaying
Wondrous item, uncommon (requires attunement by a bard)
This black lute is decorated with skills and flames. When you are attuned to it, you are able to improvise killer solos and face-melting riffs with ease.

Pipe of the Public Sewers
Weapon (mace), uncommon
This magical mace looks like a miniature iron pipe. As a bonus action, you can speak a command word, causing it to expand into a 10-foot length of drainage pipe weighing 200 lbs. Once expanded, it cannot be collapsed.

Ring of the Resistance
Ring, uncommon
While wearing this ring, any resistance fighter, rebel, partisan or guerrilla will automatically recognize you as a friend or ally of their cause. You have advantage on any Charisma checks you make to interact with them.

Skeletal Key
Wondrous item, uncommon
This key, made from brittle bone, will instantly open any lock. Once it has been used, it immediately breaks and loses its magic. 

March 27, 2017


Ranger Conclave
Comments from the Finger: The Draconis Fundamentum, a book focusing on all things dragon comes to Patreon this Saturday!
     There was some discussion about whether Evasion was an appropriate capstone for this subclass. Leave your thoughts and suggestions about it in the comments!

Dragonslayer Conclave

Long ago, dragons ruled the earth and the skies, subjugating and warring with all other mortal races. Their time was cut short, however, as some mortals learned ways to counter the dragons’ natural advantages. These fearless heroes became known as Dragonslayers. Over time, they became known for hunting and slaying any large monsters that proved a threat to their communities, but the name Dragonslayer stuck, becoming more of an honorific than a job description. As a Dragonslayer, you use your specialized skills to defend others from dragons and their ilk.

March 24, 2017


Notes from the Nails: this one is largely inspired by the video game, Baldur's Gate. Though my sirines are more like sirens than water nymphs - wild, beguiling and not bound to a particular place.


A sirine is a beautiful, amphibious fey creature often found on beaches and riverbanks. Humanoids regard them as unpredictable and dangerous, but the reality is more nuanced.

Beach Party
To a sirine, nothing is more important than living in the moment. They act as they please, seeking joy and pleasure wherever it may be found - especially if that happens to be by the seaside! Sirines love the fresh breeze and the feel of warm sand between their toes as much as anyone else; staking out the best spots on beaches to make sure their frolics attract just the right amount of attention.
      As with most fey folk, their emotions are strong and shift rapidly, such that they may want to kiss someone one minute, and kill them the next. And a sirine's commitment to spontaneity is deep: they do not hesitate to act on these impulses. This can make them seem wild, but to a sirine, it is the natural state of things.

March 22, 2017

The Tavern - Raging Barbarian and Intellect Devourer

Today on The Tavern, we make a couple of drinks that aren't fruity, a big change from our normal fare.

March 20, 2017

Oath of the Seraph

Sacred Oath
Comments from the Knuckle: The initial idea for the 1st draft of the mechanics for this Sacred Oath were inspired by Xander from Fire Emblem Fates: Conquest, specifically the Seraph Sword is inspired by the powers of his mighty blade, Siegfried. The theme of ascension came from a discussion I had with my college roommates about whether or not a paladin whose goal was to become a god and eliminate evil would be on the Good or Evil side of alignment. Without further ado, I give you the Oath of the Seraph.

Oath of the Seraph

Paladins who take the Oath of the Seraph are known for making grand destinies for themselves. Their deeds are known far and wide, and every paladin who takes this Oath has the goal of eventually assuming the mantle of divinity.

March 17, 2017

The Oozemaster's Apprentice

Notes from the Nails: the 5e Monster Manual doesn't have many oozes. Some say it doesn't have enough oozes. Here's a selection of new and revived jelly monsters to dissolve your players...

Amorphous Antagonists and Sinister Slimes

When we play D&D in a fantasy setting, it's easy to take the existence of oozes for granted. There they are, right there in the Monster Manual, between oni and orcs. Just another sack of hitpoints for your players to beat up, right?
     Wrong. Encountering an ooze should be as terrifying for your players as it is for their characters. Put yourself in their shoes: a pool of liquid on the ground suddenly comes to life and attacks! It can't be reasoned with, feels no pain, and cutting it up just means there's more of it to fight! Maybe it's corrosive. Maybe it's poisonous. Maybe it absorbs magic. Stumbling upon an ooze should be instantly turning run-of-the-mill dungeon delving into a deadly struggle to survive.
     Even worse, encountering an ooze will nearly always be a surprise. An adventuring party will very rarely expect to be fighting oozes, because oozes are not innately evil (or indeed good, if playing an evil campaign). They don't build fortresses and plot villainous schemes, nor do they invade or rampage like orcs and gnolls. They're just there, doing their own thing, with no heed for whomever else they might share their lair with... except to the extent that they may be edible.
     Thus, oozes make great random/wandering monsters, providing a useful change of tone to scenarios that might otherwise involve multiple battles against the same kind of enemy. You can also drop them into exploration-heavy scenarios, treating them almost more like a hazard to be avoided, rather than a monster to be fought.
     The stat blocks below aim to offer you a wider variety of oozes to throw at your players, especially at higher challenge ratings than the Monster Manual caters to. One thing that many of these have in common is that they get more dangerous the longer a fight goes on, engulfing, draining and inflicting status effects of the PCs while slowly wearing them down. These kinds of effects ratchet up the tension and encourage players to feel more of what their characters are feeling.