June 15, 2016

7 Little Silly Magic Items

Okay, it's time we indulge one of my guilty pleasures with a short article.

DM: You reach into the chest and pull out a ring of levitation!
Player: Okay, I put it on!
DM: Too late, it levitated away!

Dumb Magic Items

Really dumb magic items give me no end of giggles. It's my all-time favorite way of writing magic items, and I can safely give them away without having to worry that I'm bumping the party up too much in power. Sometimes, they're bad puns (like the above), sometimes they're magically useless, and sometimes they're just ridiculous by nature, but they're always good for a few laughs. Here's a handful of examples of magic items that you can use, even if your players won't.


Anklet of Bear
While wearing this item, you have complete control of your facial hair. As an action, you can grow or shed your beard, moustache, and eyebrows.

Bag of Folding
This bag perfectly folds all clothes put into it.
(Try your best to lead your players to hear "Bag of Holding" when you give them this)

Incriminating Dagger
Perhaps the worst item to have on your person when searched, this dagger is always covered in fresh blood. This blood can be wiped off, but appears fresh again on the blade when it is drawn.

Pants of Dance
These brightly-colored pants always seem be a size too small, in spite of the fact that it resizes to fit its wearer. Once worn, the creature is cursed to dance for a least an hour, as per the spell irresistible dance, before they can be removed.

Penny of Thoughts
When a creature touches this coin, which looks like an ordinary copper piece, it immediately blurts out what it was thinking. After a creature is affected by this item, it is immune to its effects for 24 hours.

Spoon of Stirring
This spoon, highly valued by baristas, automatically stirs whenever it is placed in liquid.

Wand of Wand of Summoning Summoning
As an action, you can use this wand to summon another identical wand. Once activated, this wand crumbles into dust.

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  1. This is beautiful and I love all of it! I can't wait to use it in my campaign!

  2. http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?399328-List-of-Mostly-Useless-Magic-Items here are all the useless magical items your heart might want

  3. My players would abuse the penny of thoughts (throw it at the person you're interrogating while wearing gloves etc.) and use the pants as a torture device.

    1. And here we can see the difference made by especially resourceful players. Ultimately, they might find some utility in these, but I don't think they're nearly as powerful the magic items in the DMG, so you can be pretty generous with them. (Plus, they're good for a laugh, which is worth it on their own.)

  4. Rogues can use sleight of hand to plant the incriminating dagger on a person after they just murdered someone else. They can then accuse said person of murdering the other person. Even if the dagger isn't 'powerful' compared to other items in the DMG, it's utility is unbelievable useful. It eliminates needing to bank on a high charisma check to fool a guard into thinking something that they would think on their own in the mentioned circumstance. With these kinds of items, ingenuity is key.

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. couldn't you just plant the dagger you used to kill though?

    3. That doesn't stay bloody forever. Plus you might want to keep that dagger you used to kill because you don't want to lose it. Or you could just kill with the incriminating dagger. It makes sure that people think they've killed recently.

    4. Here's a use: when we used this item in a campaign, we encountered a situation where we needed a blood sacrifice. Just pulled the dagger out and wiped it off a few times, and we were good.

  5. Don't forget the hat of magical reminder. While worn the wearer receives telepathic reminders that the hat is magical.

  6. ...I can come up with uses for literally all of these things. The first is a wonderful addition to any disguise kit, the second can be used as a truly horrible way to kill someone (It folds the clothes. No mention was made of who might be wearing them.), the third gives you free blood, which any good rogue or necromancer can always find a use for, the fourth is simultaneously an effective torture device, an entertaining prank, and a powerful trap, the fifth is so easy to abuse for interrogations, the sixth can be used as a legitimate damage-over-time weapon (blood is a liquid!), and the seventh... depends on how the DM handles summoning, but even if that's not set up in a way you can abuse, hey, free dust! And yes, there are uses for dust.

    1. Given that the "Bag of Folding" is meant to look like a Bag of Holding, I doubt you could fit an entire person inside. Maybe a gnome.

    2. Who said you had to fit all of the person in the bag at once? Stuff them in feet first, and just keep pushing. Kind of like a wood chipper, actually.

  7. Where has this been all my life.

  8. So it's safe to say that you guys wouldn't mind more of these?