November 1, 2017

Excerpts from the Pirate's Code

We just released the High Seas Update on patreon! (Get it for only a dollar!) In the spirit of swashbuckling adventure, we decided it'd be a fun idea to take a close examination of the Pirate's Code, a set of rules (erm, guidelines) that all pirates follow when raiding and pillaging the seven seas.

Little did we know that there were a lot of weird bylaws in the code that often get overlooked. Here's a few of them:

Excerpts from the Pirate Code

Article 1: The captain's word is law

Article 1b: If the captain is too drunk to give orders, refer to the first mate.

Article 1c: If the first mate and the captain are both too drunk to give orders, the ship shall.not move until at least one of them sobers up.

Article 1d: Anyone who attempts to sober up the captain or first mate early in any other event than a life or death emergency shall be hung by the neck over the side of the hull.

Article 5: Anyone who insults the cook's food shall be forced to eat the cook's food.

Article 14: Any member of the ships company that earnestly shouts any of the following words will be beaten with a belaying pin for no less than a full minute: "Arrr", "Matey", "Avast", "Yarr", "Booty".

Article 14b: Any man that says the word "Parlay" shall be shot, then stabbed, then hung until dead.

Article 18: Members of the ships company shall be paid an equal share of the loot.

Article 18b: If there is no loot, they shall be paid with an equal share of the rum.

Article 18c: If there's no rum, the crew shall mutiny until run is procured.

Article 25: Each member of the ships company shall bathe no less than once a month.

Article 25b: Rainstorms count as baths.

Article 25b-2: Only if there's soap involved.

Article 43: The Helmsman picks the shanties. The gunners shut their cakeholes.

12 comments:

  1. I love this. You can just tell that it was written as things came up. Also who would try to parley with their own captain?

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    1. Remember that part from Pirates of the Caribbean, when, after everyone uses "Parlay" for like half the movie, the bad guy pirates just get fed up with it? That.

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  2. "...until run is procured"

    Well, no wonder there were never any pirates with beerguts. They all had to do laps on the deck.

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  3. The Helmsman picks the shanties. The gunners shut their cakeholes.

    Got that one. Nice.

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    1. It's a nod to Supernatural, a rather nice one at that

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    2. I didn't have a proper way of getting an "Assbutt" in there, otherwise I would have.

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  4. I love this, and would happily pay fir an entire pirate's code.

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    1. I may include it in an appendix with the final release of the High Seas book.

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