April 4, 2018

Siegeball - Sponsors

Rules
Comments from the Finger: 

This is your weekly reminder that Hero Club is a thing you should be listening to! I'm listening to Episode 3 of their new season It Never Sleeps as I type this, and man, am I enjoying every second of it. If you haven't given it a listen, drop in on episode 1; it's free and it's really, really good.
     Sadly, I didn't have time to bite off anything substantial for Hero Club in terms of new races or archetypes this week (since I was wrapping up the Fey Folio book and the new Gadgeteer class, available on our Patreon), but I'm very excited to get back into it very soon! Let me know down below which things from the podcast you'd be interested in seeing adapted in 5e!

Oh, and I'm still working on Siegeball: here's some punny nonsense:

Sponsors

Most siegeball teams would struggle to survive on prize money alone, and thus find patronage invaluable. Sometimes, the team will be supported by a wealthy patron with a complicated profit-sharing deal, but most of the time, patronage comes in the form of sponsorship deals: branded advertising worn by the players and decorating the stadium. The following are potential brands that might seek to cut a sponsorship deal with the players and their team owner:

d20 Sponsors
d20Sponsor
1Knai-Ki. Do That. This elven-owned shoemaking company has made become famous for its low cost and effective advertising. However, the business is not without controversy, owing to the poor working conditions in its mostly gnomish shoemaking shops. This sponsor offers free cleats and garish branded uniforms to any team they they sponsor. 
2Zut-Zut's Wut Hut. Say Wut-Wut? A Wut Hut is a traveling merchant stall and curiosity shop rigged to deploy directly from a cart and then fold back down onto it when the day is done. Zut-Zut, as well as all the other merchants with Wut Huts, are kobolds specializing in traveling to dungeons and other places of adventure, where they can buy from and sell to adventurers at a high markup.  
3General Goode's Generally Good Goods. Good, good, good, good, good. People agree the products in this chain of general stores are serviceable, but hardly special. In fact, this store’s greatest defining factor is that it has an diverse offering of products, even by general store standards. 
4Big Bad Bart's Bloodpit Bar & Grill. GET SOME MEAT IN YOU. Ever since Big Bad Bart passed away from heart disease, his children (all devout vegans) have been running the business in his stead, converting the entire menu to meatless alternatives. 
5Gnome Depot. Let the Gnome handle this one. This vast department store of hardware, lumber, tinker supplies, and artisan’s tools has nary a gnome in sight; it would seem the titular gnome is only a mascot. 
6Hypnotic Patterns Tailoring Company. YoU wOn’T bElIeVe YoUr EyEs. Every piece of fabric created by this custom tailoring company is guaranteed to dazzle. However, while their best-selling brands are extremely popular among noble fashion aficionados, their lesser known products border on the physically painful to look at. This sponsor provides uniforms made of such a fabric to be worn by the team. 
7Magic Missiles, Mages, and More! Magical Quality for Mundane Prices. Though this chain of shops built its reputation on selling potions, scrolls, and magic items, it fills the rest of its stock with non-magical linens and such, which the everyday consumer typically finds much more appealing. They are happy to loan one company-branded common magic item to a team that they sponsor.
8Red Dragon Hot Sauce. Spit Fire! This hot sauce claims it is made with actual red dragon saliva, but in fact, its signature flavor comes from a number of small magic enchantments placed on every batch.  
9Greatberry Eatery. It’s not just good, It’s Greatberry. This eatery specializes in curiously small dishes made from goodberries. Because even a single goodberry can sustain someone for an entire day, every dish consists of just one berry prepared in a variety of ways. This sponsor will provide a team that they sponsor with a small handful of goodberries before every game. 
10Grib Oglin's Bedding, Linens, Interiors, and Nets. Come on down and visit your favorite G.O.B.L.I.N.! This company is a favorite among kobolds, goblinoids, and other creatures that require materials to build traps to ensnare adventurers that intrude on their lairs. 
11Crazy Owlbear's Used Wagon and Carriage Lot. Crazy Owlbear's Used Wagon and Carriage Lot! Crazy Owlbear's Used Wagon and Carriage Lot! Crazy Owlbear's Used Wagon and Carriage Lot! Due to a mismanaged expedition to a long forgotten dungeon, we are currently OVERSTOCKED on all wagons and carriages, and we’re passing the savings onto YOU! This used wagon and carriage lot sells exclusively bottom of the rung products.
12Orc-a-Cola. Official Sponsor of the Warhorde. This extremely sugary fizzy drink, with its iconic green bottle, is a favorite of humanoids and goblinoids alike. This brand sponsors many successful siegeball teams, and requires that each member of the team drink a bottle of Orc-a-Cola before or during the match, in plain view of the spectators.
13Collections Incorporated. You Direct, We Collect. This guild of adventurers is organized with a distinctly corporate structure, which funnels most of the profits to its founders, who are now little more than spokespeople for the Collection Inc. brand. This model has afforded them great success, which they consistently funnel into advertising and outreach. 
14The Ruby Reserve. It’s Safe With Us. Few banks hold as much capital as the Ruby Reserve. Popular among adventuring bands who acquire massive amounts of material wealth (much of which in the form of treasure, rather than coin which can easily be spent), the Reserve allows adventures to stockpile their wealth for a rainy day. Rumor has it that the founder of the Ruby Reserve is actually a reclusive red dragon, who resides within the vault -- its own personal hoard. No one can confirm or deny this rumor, however, as the vault is nigh-impenetrable. 
15Adventurers Anonymous. Level Up. More often than not, seasoned adventurers are left with a few lingering quirks from their time suicidally delving into dungeons, confronting life-or-death challenges, and battling homicidal monsters. Adventurers Anonymous is a network of support groups that help retired adventurers get back on their feet and adjust to normal society. 
16The Arcanium Gymnasium. Get buff (or debuff) in 30 days or your money back! This gymnasium is endorsed by the world-famous Muscle Wizard, who loudly proclaims to anyone that will listen that the Arcanium (and not forbidden strength-multiplying magic) is the reason for his unreasonable might. 
17Roquefort Adventurer Corpse Retrieval and Ressurectorium. Resurrection not valid after 100 years. This company offers an invaluable service to adventures at a premium price: corpse retrieval and revival. Wherever a person of interest dies, the Roquefort company can send out an expedition to attempt to retrieve the body and conduct a resurrection. Such an endeavor is unquestionably expensive, so their persons of interest are almost exclusively young noblemen who tried (and failed) to take up adventuring.  
18Eowyiin's Lavish Fineries. For when you want the ring that says “Be with me for a millennium”. Elves have extremely high standards for luxuries, and even higher standards when it comes to their extremely long-planned marriage ceremonies. As such, Eowyiin's Lavish Fineries smiths faultless, premium jewelry for the discerning elf. Every one of their pieces is a masterwork, and they charge a king’s ransom as a result.  
19Insane Ali's Rug and Lamp Emporium. Make a wish! This traveling emporium has made a tidy fortune selling exotic rugs all around the world. If Insane Ali’s testimony is anything to go by, he acquired the beginning of his fortune (an immense stockpile of rugs and lamps) by accidently squandering his three wishes from a magic lamp, in an attempt to get more wishes. Of course, Insane Ali’s word isn’t much to go by; he’s insane after all.
20MoralExpert Alignment Score Checking Service. If you’re afraid you might be a Chaotic Evil psychopath, ready to snap, or need veritable proof that you are, in fact, holier than your fellow man, come on down to MoralExpert Alignment Score Checking Service, at a temple near you! This company uses state-of-the-art magic to zero in on your alignment with incredible* accuracy!

4 comments:

  1. Seems completely redundant, wonderful, useless, awesome and hilarious. Gonna use Adventurers Anonymous.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Moralexpert for me.
      Call out all my players on their crap.
      Often.
      Revenge is sweet

      Delete
  2. Thank you for the Siegeball content.

    ReplyDelete