November 1, 2017

Excerpts from the Pirate's Code

We just released the High Seas Update on patreon! (Get it for only a dollar!) In the spirit of swashbuckling adventure, we decided it'd be a fun idea to take a close examination of the Pirate's Code, a set of rules (erm, guidelines) that all pirates follow when raiding and pillaging the seven seas.

Little did we know that there were a lot of weird bylaws in the code that often get overlooked. Here's a few of them:

Excerpts from the Pirate Code

Article 1: The captain's word is law

Article 1b: If the captain is too drunk to give orders, refer to the first mate.

Article 1c: If the first mate and the captain are both too drunk to give orders, the ship shall.not move until at least one of them sobers up.

Article 1d: Anyone who attempts to sober up the captain or first mate early in any other event than a life or death emergency shall be hung by the neck over the side of the hull.

Article 5: Anyone who insults the cook's food shall be forced to eat the cook's food.

Article 14: Any member of the ships company that earnestly shouts any of the following words will be beaten with a belaying pin for no less than a full minute: "Arrr", "Matey", "Avast", "Yarr", "Booty".

Article 14b: Any man that says the word "Parlay" shall be shot, then stabbed, then hung until dead.

Article 18: Members of the ships company shall be paid an equal share of the loot.

Article 18b: If there is no loot, they shall be paid with an equal share of the rum.

Article 18c: If there's no rum, the crew shall mutiny until run is procured.

Article 25: Each member of the ships company shall bathe no less than once a month.

Article 25b: Rainstorms count as baths.

Article 25b-2: Only if there's soap involved.

Article 43: The Helmsman picks the shanties. The gunners shut their cakeholes.


  1. I love this. You can just tell that it was written as things came up. Also who would try to parley with their own captain?

    1. Remember that part from Pirates of the Caribbean, when, after everyone uses "Parlay" for like half the movie, the bad guy pirates just get fed up with it? That.

  2. "...until run is procured"

    Well, no wonder there were never any pirates with beerguts. They all had to do laps on the deck.

  3. The Helmsman picks the shanties. The gunners shut their cakeholes.

    Got that one. Nice.

    1. It's a nod to Supernatural, a rather nice one at that

    2. I didn't have a proper way of getting an "Assbutt" in there, otherwise I would have.

  4. I love this, and would happily pay fir an entire pirate's code.

    1. I may include it in an appendix with the final release of the High Seas book.

  5. Are you going to be releasing any more of these?