August 13, 2019

Three Goblins in a Trenchcoat

Comments from the Finger: Sorry for last week being pretty dead. Starting now, we're going back to regular two posts a week!
"You're clearly three goblins in a trench coat. I can see the eyes poking out of the pants."
"Boygle, he knows too much!"
"Shh! Nobody suspects anything. We just take him to the back room and cut his humie throat."
"I can still hear you..."
Three Goblins in a Trench Coat 

You're definitely just a normal person, and not three goblins in a trench coat. You like normal tall person things, like seeing over crowds and reaching tall shelves. Even the assertion that you're three goblins in a trench coat is frankly insulting, as a matter of fact. You're just a regular tall person wearing a lumpy trench coat, walking awkwardly. Definitely nothing weird about that.

Triple Threat
If you were three goblins in a trench coat, however, you'd be completely unnoticeable: a wolf in sheep's clothing, wearing the perfect disguise. And of course, three heads are better than one, so you'd be smarter and more charming than even the cleverest stinky human.

Completely Conspicuous
You're not hiding anything. Like anyone who wears a trench coat, you just like the way it looks. You're definitely not pilfering anything that comes within reach with small hands that poke out between the buttons of your coat. Don't be ridiculous! You're just a normal person! Look, your arms are out here at your sides: how could anyone steal something like that?

Three Goblins in a Trench Coat Names
You have a normal tall person name.
     Name. Bob, Humie McPinkSkin, Freddles Mandude, Shuddit Imthaface, Tomathy, Uhh Dave, Vincent Adultman

Three Goblins in a Trench Coat Traits
You have the following racial traits:
     Ability Score Increase. Your Dexterity score increases by 2 and your Charisma score increases by 1.
     Age. You live as long as other people do. Don't ask so many silly questions.
     Alignment. You can never seem to make up your mind, and can be even heard arguing with your own torso and legs. You tend to be chaotic.
     Size. In spite of your swaying walk and lumpy posture, you stand a little over six feet tall, like any other tall person. Your size is Medium.
     Speed. Your base walking speed is 25 feet.
     Darkvision. You can see in dim light within 60 feet of you as if it were bright light, and in darkness as if it were dim light. You can’t discern color in darkness, only shades of gray.
     Incognito. You have proficiency in the Performance skill and with disguise kits. You have advantage on any check made to disguise yourself or convince someone that you are, in fact, just a tall person.
     Quick Swipe. As an object interaction on your turn, you can pull an item from your space into your coat or produce and item from your coat. The item must be small enough to fit in a 1-foot cube. It might look like you just grabbed it with an extra green arm, poking out of the jacket for only a second, but that's just a trick of the light.
     Unconscious Movement. If you drop you to 0 hit points and fall unconscious, you can still crawl around, moving a maximum of 5 feet on each of your turns.
     Second and Third Chances. When you make an attack roll, ability check, or saving throw, you can roll two additional d20s. You choose to use this ability after you roll the die, but before the outcome is determined. You choose which of the d20s is used for the attack roll, ability check, or saving throw. Once you use this trait, you can't use it again until you finish a long rest.
     Awkward. You can't add your proficiency bonus to Dexterity checks or saving throws.
     Languages. You can speak, read, and write Common and Goblin.


  1. Would've made me roll on the floor had I not seen a halfling version of that (as a fighter subclass, of all dumb things).

    Still hilarious and would be awesome to play.

    1. Play as a Three Halfings in a Trenchcoat fighter, using the Three Goblins in a Trenchcoat race.

    2. So if you play as a Three Halflings in Trenchcoat, and every Three Goblins in a Trenchcoat is just "one tall creature", that means that once you get the subclass you would be 9 Goblins in a trenchcoat?

  2. Maybe a +2 to Dexterity isn't the greatest thematically. I'd go with a +2 to Constitution or Intelligence. Con for the simple fact that there's three people that can tank the damage or effect, or Int because three heads are better than one, and contain 3x's as much knowledge as a normal person.

    1. I think the dexterity choice was because it is easier to pickpocket things. But i agree, perhaps sleight of hand as a bonus proficience would make it work better with a +2 Con.

    2. The ability scores were a hard pick. +1 Charisma was obvious, since deceit is literally the go-to thing here, but the +2 was a puzzle. Intelligence seems wrong because of the goblin thing (and because I don't think this race should be a natural fit for wizards). Constitution and Strength also seemed wrong, since it seems to me that the whole awkward arrangement is neither sturdy nor particularly strong. Dex was sort of the default at that point; goblins are still naturally pretty quick after all.

    3. Goblins tend to be misconceived as unintelligent. Its actually rather the opposite. They're master trap artists and cunning ambush setters. The reason why they get some bad rap on the mental side of things is because of their low wisdom. They're the first one's to figure out what a grenade does, because they're the first one's to pull the pin and eat it.

    4. Clearly it should be +2 Wisdom. With three pairs of eyes and ears, you wouldn't miss a thing!

  3. Quick ruling question, when it says you don't apply your proficiency to dexterity checks or saving throws, does that include skill checks/attack rolls that use dexterity, because if so that is a massive penalty

    1. Dexterity checks and saving throws are separate from attack rolls.

  4. This is maddeness but Lets take this one step crazier 30 IMPS IN A SUIT OF ARMOR!!!

  5. It's really strange that despite it getting Awkward, it also gets +2 to Dexterity - are they dexterous, or are they not?

  6. is it possible to split to three goblins?

  7. How does this work with the dimension door spell?

  8. How would Awkward interact with Expertise, or with Jack of All Trades? Math says that doubling zero is zero, but I'm wondering if the intent might be to apply to the bonus from base race/class proficiencies but not to the "buy-up" values from levelled class features, so that Expertise in Sleight of Hand would equate to DEX+0+prof instead of the usual DEX+prof+prof; or for JoAT, DEX+0+(prof/2) whether or not you have proficiency, since after Awkward, the roll wouldn't include the prof bonus.